Because I’ve been somewhat ‘stuck’ in my writing, I’ve taken this opportunity to do some revisions. I’ve checked out a couple of websites looking for advice and have found some useful tips. Here at Flogging the Quill I’ve also come across something I don’t totally agree with, and would like your opinion. Toward the middle of the post you’ll find this:
eyes
This is an example of improper usage. Many writers use “eyes” when what they really mean is gaze, or glance, or stare. Some examples in which I take the usage to the next logical step.
Her eyes were on the floor. (Luckily, no one stepped on them.)
His blue eyes bored into her. (And then blood gushed from the two holes in her belly.)
She felt the woman’s eyes searching for her. (It tickled when they slid across her face.)
His tired eyes land on me as he glances around the room. (Then they drop to the floor and bounce across the room.)
My eyes follow the headlights. (I ignore the wrenching pain when they leave their sockets.)
Roger kept his eyes on the road. (He realized his mistake when the ice cream truck ran over them.)
While I find this comical, I must admit I use sentences like these a lot:
I threw my hands over my head and fell back, eyes still glued to my attacker.
His eyes drilled a hole in the floor.
His eyes trailed the ground in front of us.
So my question is this– is it wrong to use sentences such as these? Could they be improved by using the verb stared, glared, gazed, etc?
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3 Comments so far
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I do see Ray’s point. I wonder if I do this, and will go check.
I’m also stuck in the middle.
On the one hand, it’s not possible for these things to happen. On the other, a lot of people use these and so does that make it okay?
No real answer, but maybe someone else can.
[Reply]
By Sarah Jensen on 01.20.09 4:29 pm | Permalink
I’m not sure “wrong” is the right word to describe sentences such as these. I would probably change them though, especially if you’re writing speculative fiction where weird things like eyes falling out could really happen! Gotta be careful with that.
Like this one: “His eyes trailed the ground in front of us.” You could simply say, “He wouldn’t look at me.” or “He studied the ground like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.” Yanno?
This one: “His eyes drilled a hole in the floor.” Could be: “His cold stare could’ve drilled a hole through sheetrock.” (Hey! I did use that line in a novel once!
) or again, “He wouldn’t look at me.” How nerve-wracking is that? When someone won’t look at you, either out of guilt or shame or just because you’ve done something bad and they can’t look at you? It’s powerful, yet simple.
Interesting topic. I’m with Ray on this one, but I write stories with magic, so…
[Reply]
By ElanaJ on 01.22.09 12:09 am | Permalink
I really don’t think it’s wrong. Who really talks like that. If you are writting from an English professors point of view then heck yeah you are all wrong. But from Jack and Rose. I mean come on does anyone really sit back besides this one guy and say, your book sucks because you used eyes? Anyway, that is my opinion!
[Reply]
By Gunnisac Sandersons on 01.23.09 11:44 pm | Permalink
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