Hook # 3
October 4, 2009 | Filed in: Query and Synopsis

Samantha’s vivid dreams of killing people are happening while she dreams them. She discovers she comes from an ancient line of Cherokee Protectors who defend the world from Flesh Eating monsters. She falls in love with another protector and one of the monsters falls for her.

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4 Comments so far
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This isn’t exciting enough for me. I want this stuff to bounce off the page and it reads too technical with no voice attached.
Jamie´s last blog ..Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-10-04

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By Jamie on 10.04.09 12:57 pm | Permalink

This has so much potential – I’m caught with “Samantha’s vivid dreams of killing people are happening” but then it goes downhill.

What about “Samantha’s having vivid dreams of killing people. She comes from an ancient line of Cherokee Protectors who defend the world from Flesh Eating monsters. Her dreams lead her in helping to catch these monsters, until she finds herself entangled too deeply in her dreams. Her heart is torn – she is in love with another protector while being chased by a monster in love with her.”

That’s rough, and the term ‘monster’ doesn’t enhance it enough, but I hope it helps.

[Reply]

By Steena on 10.04.09 9:59 pm | Permalink

I agree… I’ve read the book, and the hook just doesn’t do it justice…

[Reply]

By Jamie on 10.04.09 10:00 pm | Permalink

The plot is clearly exciting, and the first sentence is a great hook, but I’m going to agree with Jamie that this summary sounds technical. Give it the zip the story deserves! :)

Also, while Flesh Eaters as a specific noun can be capitalized, the way you’re using it here is just as an adjective, and it should really be “flesh-eating.”

[Reply]

By Anica Lewis on 10.08.09 2:23 pm | Permalink

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