So I thought while others help us get those creative juices flowing, I’d give us some time to work on our manuscripts. My ‘theme’ will be Your WIP.

Today we’ll start off with your main character. Please share.

Don’t they look great together? Well they are. Most of the time…but that another story.

So, from the advice of my sis, I created word docs with their bios. These really help keep things straight while writing.

Alexander Jack Snow
DOB: April 10 (22 y/o)
Height: 6’2″
Weight: 180?
Hair: shaggy, curls at ends, sandy color (not Tom Welling’s color)
Eyes: Steel blue
School/Occupation: Graduated from ? with Construction Management Degree/Home builder

Personality: Very reserved. Shy around girls. Keeps to himself. Loves family. Loyal. Caring. Witty, but only around those who know him.

Hobbies/Likes: plays football and basketball every now and then, loves animals and farming. Good with horses. Loves working with hands.

Dislikes: ?, people trying to hurt Rose

Identifying Features: scar on chin, uneven eyebrows, hair on face grows quickly

Rose Ella Conway
DOB: June 12 (20 y/o)
Height: 5’2″
Weight: 120
Hair: Dirty Blonde
Eyes: Blue (Darker than Jack’s)
School/Occupation: Texas A&M Vet Med/ works at local vet during summer

Personality: quiet, shy, outspoken at times, neat and organized, overdramatic sometimes,

Hobbies/Likes: swimming, reading, being outside, loves animals, sports in general

Dislikes: snakes

Identifying Features: scar above eyebrow

So that’s them. I left out their most important features of course. The ‘special’ things about them that make my story. You’ll just have to help me edit to find those things out…

Post or comment about your Main Character(s)!

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I found myself in a dimly lit room.

Beeping.

Tubes.

Darth Vader hissing sounds.

My eyes struggled to open and my mouth was too dry. I looked around slowly. Where was the water? Surely there was some here.

I spied Mom asleep in the corner, her head resting on her chest, slumped over in a chair. What time was it? I had no clue; the room was too dark and there was no window. I lifted my hand. It felt like it wasn’t even there.

Numb.

Freaky. I tried to wiggle my toes. I wasn’t sure if I did or not. It almost felt like my feet were just too cold to tell. I opened and closed my mouth. Had they stuck cotton balls in there? Where was my spit? I reached up to touch my lips.

Rose.

It all came rushing back. Like I was standing by train tracks. Hurtling towards me, flying past, too fast for me to make out each car. Only flashes. Rose walking to my car. My arms on her waist. Watching her across the table. Kissing her.

Kissing her.

Glancing at her across the car.

“What the—!!”

My mom shot up. “Aaron! You’re awake!” She rushed to my side.

My eyes were wide now. I couldn’t think. Where was she? Was she okay? I had to get to her.

Now.

I started to swing my legs over the side of my bed. Mom’s confused face was too close. I tried to push her away. She was speaking, but I couldn’t hear.

I kept seeing her face. Seeing her sitting next to me in the car.

What the crap? What was going on? I couldn’t get my stupid legs to move.

C’mon. I’ve gotta go.

Annoyed now. I reached down with my hand to tug at it. It was like lead. A dead weight. I looked up into Mom’s eyes, a question on my lips.

She was still talking. What was she saying? Didn’t she know I didn’t care? I wanted to scream Shut up! Get out of my way, woman!

Her hands on my chest brought me back. “—lay back. Stop struggling. Aaron!” Her forehead crinkled more than it already was. Her eyes searched my face.

“Now listen to me! Do you know where you are?” Her cold hands gripped mine.

She waited. For something. From me, I guessed. I thought I’d been paying attention, but apparently I hadn’t.

“What?” Why hadn’t she told me where Rose was?

“Do you know where you are?” Her tone softened. She leaned down closer to my face.

“Well, I guess I’m in a hospital somewhere. Where’s Rose?” I looked around the small room for someone else. This woman was getting me nowhere.

She nodded. “So you remember the accident?” Her eyes stayed on mine.

“Yeah, I remember. Where’s Rose?” I looked back to her, hoping she’d finally answer the question. I’d asked a hundred times already.

“She’s fine. I just got off the phone with Jack.” She kept talking, but I didn’t hear anything past the word Jack.

Jack.

It echoed in my brain. Please, no. Was I being punished? “Jack? What about him? I asked about Rose. Where is Rose?”

Her eyes avoided mine for a few seconds. She bit her lip and moved to pull a chair closer.
“Rose is in the hospital in Alexander. We’re in Rockdale. She’s fine. She’s got a broken leg, some broken ribs, and a cut on her head.” She sat and moved her hands to the rail on the bed.

I would’ve gasped at the description of her injuries, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t breathing. No oxygen entered my lungs. It was supposed to be an involuntary action, but my brain stopped functioning too.

And I was fine with that. If there was no chance with Rose, I was ready. Come and take me now, God. I’ll go.

I blinked a few times. Really concentrating on it. I forced myself to inhale. But, maybe I shouldn’t have. Did I want to hear the answer to my next question?

“But…you said Jack. Why did you say that?” I held her gaze with my eyes. They were on fire. No longer blue. I’d managed to turn them fiery red, I was sure.

“Well…Jack is with her. At the hospital.” And she kept talking again. Didn’t she realize I didn’t care? Did she just hear the words that left her mouth? They were a contradiction. It wasn’t supposed to be Jack and Rose. It was supposed to be Aaron and Rose.

Aaron. Not Jack.

Aaron. Got it? Remember it.

Her hands were on my chest again. Pushing. Why did she keep doing that?

“Aaron, you can’t get down. You’re hooked up to a catheter. You’ve got an I.V. You’ve been unconscious since you got here almost two hours ago.”

I closed my eyes and laid my head back. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t care. About anything.

Screw it.

Screw them.

Both.

Ok…so I’ve been editing and I came to this chapter again. I can’t help but love it. I can really feel Aaron here and he’s not even the MC. But…I know it can be better, so I’m open for suggestions.

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Okay, after reading Liz’s post below, I went through my MS and here’s what I found.

My eyes were glued to the hottie in uniform.
I fumbled around the door until I found the button, my eyes never left his. Holy Cow.
I kept my eyes down, too scared to look up.
His eyes penetrated mine.
His piercing eyes swam in that knee-weakening smile.
Andrew’s eyes shot daggers through me, as he looked me up and down.
His eyes still scaled my body, and he didn’t look discussed with what he saw.
He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you since he came in about five minutes ago.
His eyes longed for me.
I noticed several pairs of eyes on me.
“What? That call sucked. He was going for the ball. Eyes on ball means no pass interference you stupid refs.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes screening the woods.
He glared, looking at everyone, but his eyes settled on Vincent.
His eyes were troubled.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
My eyes locked to his, and I felt as if all the blood from my head pooled in my stomach.
His eyes smoldered.
His eyes studied my legs before finding their way back to mine.
He eased in front of me, his eyes softened.
His eyes locked on mine.
Turning slowly, my eyes shifted to him.
His eyes were back on me.
His black eyes were laced with danger and longing.
My eyes didn’t leave Andrew’s.
My eyes traced his muscular arms.
He lifted my face so my eyes would meet his.
Andrew’s eyes smiled at me.
His jaw flexed and his eyes burned. I couldn’t believe how sexy he was.
Her eyes became cold.
When he came to a stop, he finally turned to me, his eyes angry, scared.
I would’ve known if he had, my eyes never left him.
His eyes danced.
His eyes jumped around and he wouldn’t look at me.
The next day at school, all eyes were on me.
His eyes almost bugged out of his head.
His eyes sought forgiveness.
I looked at Vincent; his eyes danced with excitement.
James asked, his eyes smiled and his voice calmed me.
I shrugged, keeping my eyes on that car.
Andrew’s eyes bore into mine.
I couldn’t find it in me to take my eyes off her.

So back to the question at hand. Is this wrong? It can’t be taken literally, but since we know it’s figuratively, does it stand? You tell us.

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Ray
post on first scene.

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Because I’ve been somewhat ‘stuck’ in my writing, I’ve taken this opportunity to do some revisions. I’ve checked out a couple of websites looking for advice and have found some useful tips. Here at Flogging the Quill I’ve also come across something I don’t totally agree with, and would like your opinion. Toward the middle of the post you’ll find this:

eyes

This is an example of improper usage. Many writers use “eyes” when what they really mean is gaze, or glance, or stare. Some examples in which I take the usage to the next logical step.

Her eyes were on the floor. (Luckily, no one stepped on them.)

His blue eyes bored into her. (And then blood gushed from the two holes in her belly.)

She felt the woman’s eyes searching for her. (It tickled when they slid across her face.)

His tired eyes land on me as he glances around the room. (Then they drop to the floor and bounce across the room.)

My eyes follow the headlights. (I ignore the wrenching pain when they leave their sockets.)

Roger kept his eyes on the road. (He realized his mistake when the ice cream truck ran over them.)

While I find this comical, I must admit I use sentences like these a lot:

I threw my hands over my head and fell back, eyes still glued to my attacker.

His eyes drilled a hole in the floor.

His eyes trailed the ground in front of us.

So my question is this– is it wrong to use sentences such as these? Could they be improved by using the verb stared, glared, gazed, etc?

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I’m the youngest of the trio. I’m really excited about learning more about writing and editing. My sis-in-law Sarah got me into this long ago when she started writing. I figured if she could do it, so could I. In May of 2008 I gave it a shot. I started by writing something I’d always dreamed about as a girl. It didn’t go far at first, but with some encouragement it’s blossomed into about 72,000 words. Hopefully, I’ll get to post some of my work and get some feedback!

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